Greetings from Downtown Disney, land of the perpetually happy.
If you haven't caught up with the news already, Douglas, the kids and me have been sucked into the vortex of the Mouse.As we speak the Maclean Party of 3 are setting a world record for the number of consecutive rides on California Screamin'.
I, on the other hand, am enjoying the surreal ambiance of the roaring fake log-fire in the faux-hunting lodge lobby of our hotel.
It's 101 degrees outside and people are actually sitting in front of it as the air conditioning roars overhead. Only in America.
This trip has been the ultimate brand immersion experience - arriving by Disney festooned shuttle (you couldn't even see out the windows for mice, ducks, dwarfs and assorted fairies etc), hanging out with the kids at both Disney parks, eating at Downtown Disney restaurants and sleeping between Disney sheets.
It's been upbeat and festive in an artificially scented pumped-in vanilla and maple syrup fragrance sort of a way (clearly the latest 'Celebrate' brand positioning is actually doing its trick). But deeply disturbing in others.
Four days in, the safe, homey, happiest-place-on-earthiness of it all is really starting to grate. Especially when you open the LA Times to see warnings of terrorist attacks on 'places of amusement' and hear LAPD helicopters buzzing overhead every half hour or so.
The smiling, happy, airbrushed families on the posters give way to a different kind of warfare by 2 every afternoon when 10,000 under 3's and their sugar, fat and salt loaded parents all decide simultaneously that it's been a long day.
And the intergenerational shots of fit, active, Moms, Dads Nannas and Pops skipping through the parks light as air peel away to reveal an increasingly common sight: the percentage of the American population that actually gets around using their own body parts seems to be rapidly shrinking.
It seems that a full third of the population here is in one or other of them and the remaining third is in either a stroller or a mobility scooter, and the remaining third is maintaining its last vestiges of fitness running around after them.A puzzling proportion of the children in the strollers look too old for a toddler carriage. Makes you want to shout 'make them walk! At least that way they'd burn off some of the crap they're shoveling into themselves!'
And while you'd never really know the real story about the people on the scooters, a breathtaking number of them are gob-smackingly fat. Not just a bit overweight or even just a little obese (like that's some small thing). But super-sized - like the ones you see on those 20/20 programmes.
Enough for now - the kids and Roller-Coaster Dad are due back any minute and (here's irony) it'll be time for lunch. More later.
Comments